A letter to my little sister upon the occasion of her first being a bridesmaid.

alternatively, what I wish I had known when I was twenty-two.

Wedding season is upon us. That lovely time of year when as, a twenty or thirty something, you spend most of your weekends  and much of your money at weddings and their related parties (showers, bachelorette parties, gown fittings, engagement parties . . . the list goes on and on.) I spent the last two weekends at weddings. Most recently it was my little sister's best friend from childhood got married, my dad officiated, our whole family was invited and my little sister was in the bridal party. This was the "first wedding" for my little sister and her friends (by that I mean the first wedding where the bride and groom were their friends and contemporaries.) Having had about six more wedding seasons and being part of the "adult table" at this wedding gave me an interesting perspective, and made me think of a bunch of advice I would give to someone as they start this phase of their lives.

1. Don't show up hungry: yes these events are about food, and there is a chance that you will have to be rolled out of the venue in a wheel barrow, but you can't assume that you are going to be fed right away. Maybe they will start with appetizers or maybe the service will be short, or maybe you will be in a stifling church for a high mass and you will be that person who fainted when the incense came down the isle. This is doubly true if you are in the bridal party, people will be plying you with champagne all day your friend will hate you if you have drunk eyes in all of her pictures.  
2. Wedges and flip flops: If there is any chance any part of the wedding is outside wear wedges. It limits the risk of falling on uneven gopher hole filled ground, and even if you have only had a tiny sip off champagne and your floor length dress gets caught on your foot, if you fall at a wedding everyone will assume you are drunk. I am aware that they aren't great for dancing but better that than becoming a one man aerating crew. Which is why flipflops, hide them somewhere, whether you are wearing wedges or heels, once you are done with photos and have enjoyed enough of the signature cocktail that you don't care about your outfit you will be ready to truly enjoy yourself (you can also embrace your inner hippy and just go barefoot, but that isn't always ideal.) 
3. Really just clothes you can dance in (without embarrassing your grandmother). So maybe your grandmother won't be there, but at a wedding there is a good chance someone's will be. Weddings have a different music than clubs, different dress codes and different dancing. You'll have a better time if you don't wear something that risks flashing Pop-pop during Twist and Shout and having it caught on camera for the happy couple to enjoy forever, (if this doesn't worry you, you are more confident than me and I applaud you. I tend to save it for the bachelorette and still worry that my spanx are showing.)

4. Treasure the day. This is the one that is most important. It probably the one that makes me seem like an old lady (although the my feelings on dress code have a certain "get off my lawn" feel to them.) In the midst of your first wedding it is easy to get irritated with your friends. You have seen a lot of them, you are all sleep deprived, some (or all) of you are in dresses you didn't pick out which might be unflattering or uncomfortable. But these are the last glowing days of the friendships of youth, and before you know it your relationships will have transformed in ways that are incomprehensible to you now. The transition isn't sudden or tragic, it is a necessary part of growing up and a consequence of the gift of the freedom to marry and work and explore outside our hometowns. The friends who are important will always be a part of you, but not in the same way. I wish I could say that even if you move apart they will only be a phone call away, but that isn't true. At some point someone else will come ahead of you, they will pick their husband before you, their children, begrudgingly their jobs, and they won't answer your call. Not to hurt you but because the realities of life are more pressing. But in the glow of your first wedding weekend you can forget all of that, strengthen the ties between you, grow the memories you will cherish. It isn't going to be the same again, but you can enjoy it now, and start your future together whatever it brings.

I told you I have been to a lot of weddings.