ramblings of a law student with a family history of neurosis

the ramblings of a law student with a family history of neurosis

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


Okay, so I know I am late, but not that late if you take into account Chinese New Year, which was only a week ago.
I celebrated each of the New Years as in true Bay Area fashion, while I stuck close to my roots on both occasions the evenings couldn't have been more different.
I was lucky to spend the Georgian New Year with friends in the Marina. While we did spend a little time out dancing and we watched the city's fireworks from the bay most of the evening was spent in preparation for going out. I don't know how we do this, but some how the production of hair, clothes and makeup takes longer than you spend actually dancing; and what is it for your in a dark room with strange lighting, it is probably 100 degrees with the humidity of the tropics. No one looks good five minutes after you walk in the door. In college it made a little more sense, before going out there was usually a parade of photos that were taken, not to mention a less sauna like location for the ubiquitous "pre-gaming." For some reason I still do it, which isn't even the crazy part.
The crazy part is that I like it. Far and away the most fun I had was getting ready and drinking Martini's with the girlfriend I was with. We have been friends since junior high, and while we were always close she was never my dearest friend. But in a strange "isn't it funny how things change" way we are living surrprisingly relatable lives. While she is married (something that still freaks me out to think about- it doesn't feel real to me. Contrary to every father everywhere in my head she and her husband are simply living in sin, this makes much more sense to me.) But other than the fact that she has a husband (and I SO don't) our lives are on similar tracts. She is a PhD student on the east coast, and while her program is only mildly related to law we share a common language. I is a wonderful treat to be able to talk to someone who knows your past but can also get where you are in the moment. It is a rare thing. My family is terribly supportive; thinking I am brilliant and capable. This is great, but when something that is exciting happens they don't understand the significance of it. It feels like "of course you did it because you are amazing!" So it was wonderful to talk to someone who got it. We could both talk about our accomplishments without feeling like we were gloating or competing (which is what it feels like with law school friends) and we still understood the magnitude of what we had been able to accomplish.
Plus it is really great to gossip about High School with a drink in your hand and a Diploma on the wall. 

I had much less fun on Chinese New Year...
My first year of college one of my roommates was Chinese and she still sends me updates every year at the lunar new year telling me how to best prepare myself for the year ahead (you can basically insert a slew of Berkeley stereotypes into the quad I lived in as a freshman- I know, I am sure I have mentioned others, but Berkeley has a stereotype for a reason.) This is the year of the Dragon, and I (along with much of the rest of of my graduating class) was born under the sign of the Dragon. While we are supposed to be the luckiest sign this isn't going to be a great year for us, my friend (through her grandmother) tells me that I need to be behave conservatively (spending another 40 grand on law school, voting for Obama, traveling to South East Asia- I think I have already failed that one.) Guard my head (she wasn't to clear on this one, but suggested with my tendency to fall down I might want to start wearing a helmet all the time.)
Okay so those aren't looking so good, so she advised what she advises every year (and I sometimes follow) to clean. You are supposed to clean you house and remove all of the bad luck from the previous year so that the good luck can flow in. I am not sure if it works, but it is nice to have an excuse to have a sparkly clean house. We actually moved the oven to get the grime out from under and around it. Also, because the entryway is the most important area because that is where luck enters, I was able to get my roommate to move some of her shoes to her bedroom- a major victory. 
So here is to a new year, hopefully eating beans and scrubbing floors will pay off and it will be a good one, (because I would be really pissed if the Mayans were right and the world ends a semester before I finish law school. )

Monday, January 9, 2012

In Between


I love Holidays (in theory and in part) and I love my family, and with exams being over you would think that going home for winter break would be a blissful three weeks. Unfortunately, going home for the holidays isn't easy, so much of it seems to emphasize the things that are difficult about being in my early to mid twenties. It places into sharp focus the fact that I am in limbo. I am some place between the family I grew up with and the family I will create, I am not a child my parents have to raise but I am not one of the grown-ups either. Most of the time it is easy to ignore, I am busy enough living two parallel lives that the places they blur together aren't so noticeable, but when I am home living as a daughter, all of the ways I have changed come into sharp (sometimes comedic ) relief.
This year was better than most, usually my dad and I get along wonderfully for about three days and then we spend the rest of my time at home at each other's throats. Most of this comes from my unwillingness to take (what the Irish and the polite person in me would call) blarney. After many occasions of, mostly good natured, teasing I would remind him that if he wanted a pushover he should have raised one. It used to be that my mom and little sister let him off the hook, so my coming home was the estrogen bomb that sent him running to his man cave. This year my little sister came home first, and she took her turn taking on my father. Which meant I either got to be "the good one" or I had a partner in crime. What I call a win win.
Me and my Mom, making fun of my Dad at Fort Point
Under the Golden Gate Bridge 

While I had hoped my little sister's active social life and snark while at home would suck up my Dad's attention it seemed to shine it back on me, as if we both needed to be held to an eighteen year-old's level of scrutiny. Although it has been many years since I have allowed him to control my social life, while I am at home I do understand that my parents have a right to know where I am going. This also frequently means I get my dad's commentary about things like skirt length (you're sure you don't want to cover your legs?) tight warmth (with all those holes your legs must get cold, why don't you put on pants?) driving routes (don't take the freeway it will be crazy the frontage road is better.) Not to mention a general proclivity for asking questions he doesn't wan't to know the answer to- trust me dad what you are looking for is not in the pink bag, you DON'T want to go in there. Although much of this impasse was defeated when he realized that I could embarrass him more (with the contents of said pink bag)  than he could embarrass me (because anything that embarrassing I wouldn't bring home).
It was a tougher year for my Mom and I, we are very close and other that a few disagreements, generally about my clothing budget and reluctance to disclose my love life (mostly because it doesn't exist) we get along really well. This year there was an undercurrent of tension between us, I think because we both realize that Holidays at home may be coming to an end and will certainly get shorter. I can't be sure, but the whole year had a sense of change to it. So while I am still in between I don't know if it will be for long or what it will mean on the other side.
It was still a magical Christmas, with weather most people could only dream of. So thank you, Babette for taking the heat off me, Mom for caring enough to worry about change, Dad for my thick skin and unwillingness to take crap, and my whole family for a wonderful holiday season!

When did I become this person?

Confession...
I started this posting some time during the winter exam period last year and it has languished in my draft folder for that time with many paragraphs added and deleted. But it originally started with an exclamation over the fact that I found myself writing sentences like: "Whereby an operation of law you have merged liability..." and how quickly law school shaped my brain and enabled me to "think like a lawyer."
Now it isn't so much about academic changes but a mi a culpa in the form of astonishment that I somehow left behind my posting schedule and haven’t updated in months. This change is not about the way my brain works but instead astonishment at the way this life has swallowed me whole.
It certainly wasn’t a bad semester, being busy allowed me to focus my time better and cut away the things that I don’t get value from, but I never intended to fall of the face of the virtual world. It wasn’t that I didn’t write, there are a number of similarly half-finished postings waiting to be finished.
So here is to 2012, hopefully I will get back on the ball. Big things are coming I will keep you posted.